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Author's Note: Spam donated by Mike Gammon and Cliff Vick.... separately... it's not what you think.

Subject: Re: New Pill makes your semen taste sweet-she'll swallow and love it
To: 0sandmn0@w150.aone.net.au, 01bb932d.0fe13750@startpuntwoning.nl
From: Jonathan Land <jland@incomplete.net>
Date: 02/20/2002

Men, Do You Want to Increase the Amount of Oral Sex You Receive by 5 to 10 Times?

Now, Make Oral Sex a Treat . . . Instead of a Job!

SweetenZe is a new all herbal pill that can make your semen actually taste sweet.

No more salty or bitter taste. 98% of women say they would perform more oral sex and even swallow, if there partners semen tasted better.

Now with a single pill that makes you taste sweet, you can increase the amount of oral sex you receive by 10 times or more. Women all over the world are finally loving performing oral sex on there men.

There's nothing better than that intense feeling you get as your lover swallows every last drop. Try a bottle of SweetenZe if your not completely satisfied we'll refund 100% of your money. or Call 626-440-1747

This sounds like an interesting product, but it creates an intriguing dilemma for me.

I'm a highly disgruntled teenage employee of a Dunkin' Donuts in a location I probably shouldn't disclose. Even though it would appear that I have my whole life ahead of me, the present looks very bleak. I'm earning $5.50 an hour, working about 10 hours a week after school and on weekends selling donuts and coffee to a surly, unpleasant group of adults who should be laying off the high carbs. How these dangerously obese tight-asses gain such a thrill being nasty and mean while not allowing that to interfere with their passion for eating is beyond me. Long story short: I hate it here. Sure I could get another job, but with the hours I have to give being a high school student, it would just wind up being another fast food place because I'm not taking up elderly booty wiping duty.

Of course, if my parents just gave me a reasonable allowance, which they can afford to do, I wouldn't have to waste my time in this doughy hell with these horrible, doughy people. Unfortunately my folks don't want me to be spoiled and they're trying to show me the benefits of earning money. I can't say that I've learned that particular lesson. The only thing I have learned that there is no such thing as satisfaction for a job well done when your job itself is completely unsatisfying.

So I'm stuck here. That combined with the fact that I'm a 16-year-old virgin with a woody that just wont quit and demoralizing acne that might as well spell out: "kill me" tends to build up a little bile. For the last few months, I've been choosing to exorcise this bile with a hefty side-dish of semen, straight into the donut batter when no one's been looking.

Now, the donuts definitely taste funny according to a few customer complaints, so I'm undoubtedly going to be caught soon. If I could "sweeten the deal" with your product, that would totally rock, but I don't know if I'd get the same satisfaction out of doing it, even though I could probably get away with doing it for way longer. But what if they start liking the donuts more than they used to?

Sure they're still gobbling down my boys, but if there's no remote clue like the current twinge of funk, it just isn't the same for me. I need to be able to think, "yeah, take THAT, jerkoff!", and not be swarmed by a hungry mob, Night of the Living Dead-style, feasting for more of my sweatmeat, chanting "mmmm... jizznuts... jiiiiizzznuuuutsss". This totally might backfire, causing my particular Dunkin' Donuts to become wildly popular, and forcing me into being overworked on my shitty salary!

So before I buy this stuff from you, I would need to know exactly what effect the outcome (and oh, do I mean out-come) might be in the donut batter. Would the donuts taste better than donuts with standard-issue semen, and worse than an untainted donut, or would such a heavenly delicacy be created that I could probably consider "going legit" and opening a franchise of my own featuring my special secret ingredient?

Personally, I just can't wait to walk up to the sophomore I have an eye on and use the "Hey little girl, want to have some candy?" line when propositioning her.

Jon

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