If you are a time traveler or alien disguised as human and or have the technology to travel physically through time I need your help!
I need to be able to: Travel back in time.
Rewind my life including my age back to 4.
I am aware of two types of time travel one in physical form and the other in energy form where a snapshot of your brain is taken using either the dimensional warp or the carbon copy replica device and then sends your consciousness back through time to part with your younger self. Please explain how safe and what your method involves.
I have a time machine now, but it has limited abilitys and is useless without a vortex.
If you can provide information on how to create vortex generator or where I can get some of the blue glowing moon crystals this would also be helpful. I am however concerned with the high level of radiation these crystals give off, if you could provide a shielding that would be great. I believe the vortex needs to be east-west polarized, North-south polarized vortexexs are used for cross-dimensional time travel only.
Only if you have this technology and can help me exactly as mentioned please send me a (SEPARATE) email to: IneedTimeTravel@aol.com
Hello!
My name's Jonathan Land, and I am a doctor who has successfully negotiated the "physical form" of time travel you mention above. Please communicate to your brain that I am not an alien of the evil type. Really, I assure you I am not. Should your brain begin to feel comfortable and let it's guard down, that is acceptable, for no harm shall come to you by my "hand". I am your amicable friend.
I'm sure you'd like to get the rolling balls, so I will inform you how to proceed in acquiring my assistance for your plight. Below is a digital photograph. Study it. Not like a spawned progeny in one of your education factories studies manipulation of the numeric alphabet! Really study it. When you want to contact me, replicate the design in an open field. No one must see you. If they do, then they are an intoxicated farmer.
I will see this from high atop my vacation home at the "Red Planet Ranch". I will then descend to the coordinates where the marking has been made like the half-bat, half-man creature depicted in your illustrated serialized folklore and increasingly intolerable motion pictures. Or you can e-mail me here with your address. Either way, I hope your brain is still under the belief that I am not an evil alien. If your brain can not interpret that as being reasonable, then your brain must be thinking that I am an illegal alien in your United States country... yes.. that works.. I am from your Earth's Mexico. Hola, my amicable amigo.
You might find it unorthodox and unsettling, for you might be an intoxicated farmer yourself, but I will arrive (alone, not with 50 or so comrades) at the location of the inscription in a large flying craft. This is merely a high-tech gadget with nothing alien about it. I bridge the gap between my base income and my expenses by being a spy. It is standard issue transportation for the Mexican spy organization of your choice. Or I acquired it in a casino battle from a pirate. It was like stealing candy from a baby, and then eating both the candy and the baby. Whatever lulls your brain's suspicion cortex and helps you sleep at night.
You will then be pulled aboard my vessel by a tractor beam. It is like an Earth tractor, but it works vertically. We use it to till the Earth soil on our Mexican walls. Just step into the light, and ride it up. NO MORE QUESTIONS! You will not die at that particular point.
Now is when we begin to prepare you for time travel. I will outline the process so it will appear that my sole concern is your best interest, and that the eating of your brain has not yet occurred to me as my prime motivation and the inevitable conclusion of our encounter.
Like I mentioned before, I am a doctor. I must conduct an anal probe, so for the sake of this correspondence, I am an Earth proctologist. I will stick my "finger" into an opening near your prostate to test how malleable it is. This is a normal orifice insertion for the Earth male on every doctoral encounter. If you are an intoxicated farmer, you should be less intimidated.
After I remove your digestive tract (that's the Earth Greek term for the medical test), I will extract your sperm with my straw-like pincers by puncturing your testicles as if they were mini-juice boxes. I will then take the sperm and grow new humans. Speaking of which, the one thing that I ask in return for my benevolent assistance is that you bring an Earth female of child-bearing age with you so I may implant the sperm into them for child making. Call it a date. Be sure to woo her with flowers and chocolate. The woman will be essential. Like your Bob Marley sang: no woman, no time travel. See? I can relate to you, because I am not an evil alien! Are you no longer apprehensive?
Finally, I will eject a special type of corrosive bile on your head from my "mouth". This will easily remove your flesh and bone so I can delicately wriggle one or more of my "tongues" around the ridges of your brain. You might feel a tickling sensation, along with involuntary memory recall and bodily movement. It will not last long because I will remove your body promptly.
Then I will ship you piece by piece through the vortex, back in time so you will be four Earth years again. Please make sure you have someone on the other side because a) they will need to reassemble you, and b) I am returning you to an age where you will be an unaccompanied minor.
I hope to hear from you soon, and I love you for your mind!
Dr. Jonathan Land
Travelling Proctologist / Mexican Spy
END TRANSMISSION - SNXBLORT
