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Subject: Re: Never lose your keys again
From: Jonathan Land <>
Date: 12/04/2002

Can't find your keys? Let the new and improved Glowing Sonic Key Finder solve your problems!

This small device, which is used as part of your key chain, will ensure that you will never lose your keys again! When you can't find your keys, just whistle and the key chain will beep and flash a bright light. So whether your keys are in a dark room or hidden under the bed, they will definitely be found with the revolutionary Sonic Key Finder.

Click here: or call 800-VALUE-07

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I lose everything. You name it, I've lost it at least once. My keys, the odd sock, bets, two cats (one to an open invitation by my front door into the woods, the other to a truck), even intangible things like my faith in humanity and my virginity. Hell, I'd lose my head if I didn't religiously Crazy Glue it to my neck every morning after miraculously managing to find the Crazy Glue. I have a large sign in my kitchen pointing downward to the place I keep it on the counter. Once the sign fell down, and I was on all fours looking for the damn thing for an hour. It turns out that it still just happened to be on the counter. Now it's in its new home on the floor. Fool me once, shame on me, and we can't get fooled again.

I love the idea of your product, but it seems very limited in scope. A whistle to activate a keychain? Why a whistle? Why a keychain?

I think people tend to be very aware of their keys nowadays I've personally soldered mine to my wedding ring, and I have yet to have an issue regarding their loss. Your product might be what the primate market needs, but we humans have so many more things that we constantly misplace that are in need of locating.

With the giant leaps made in voice recognition and wireless technologies, I don't see why you can't create a tiny device triggered by a specific voice and/or word set by the user. Imagine the possibilities! "Socks!": Every sock with its mate can be found in the potentially vast house. "Deck Of Cards!": Never will a stray card have the ability to make your deck useless again. "Monopoly!" Your game pieces will no longer have to be replaced with actual thimbles or wheelbarrows! I can't wait for the laundry day I can shout out "Quarters" and see my couch, pants and jacket pockets, and obscured chunks of floor light up like Christmas without the humiliation of hopping from 7-11 to 7-11 buying stuff for under a quarter (tax inclusive) to be able to afford the dryer in the currency it's accustomed to.

Of course, there would have to be a central control unit that can activate and de-activate all of the devices, because a dinner party at your house would quickly succumb to looking like a cheap rave or Gulf War-era footage of nighttime over Baghdad. Off the top of my head I can think of at least 10,000 items around the house I'd like to have access to with a verbal request, and I've got as much stuff as the next guy. That'll turn into Big Money for you!

So, can you do this?

Jonathan Land

P.S. I'd like a cut of the profits if you make it happen. I'm sending this in letter form to the U.S. Patent and Copyright Office in case if you guys conveniently "lose" me while you're laughing all the way to the bank with my idea.

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