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Author's Note: Merry Christmas, everyone! If you're not up on your North Korean current events you should check out this article, or this poem will make little sense. Thanks to Cliff Vick for meter monitoring and amending.

Subject: Re: Your poem could win $10,000!
To: offers@commercesolution.rapid-e.net
From: Jonathan Land <jland@incomplete.net>
Date: 12/23/2002

Poetry.com will award 1175 prizes totaling $58,000.00 to amateur poets in the coming months.

Anyone can enter the competition - it's easy & FREE!

Submit an Original Poem
20 Lines or fewer
On ANY Subject
In ANY Style

Next $1,000 Winner: January 15, 2003
Next $10,000 Winner: January 15, 2003

Most of the prizes will go to new, unpublished poets who have never before entered- or expected to win- any type of writing competition.
Poets who enter will also get additional opportunities:

Your poem will be featured on our website- www.poetry.com
Your artistry may be chosen for publication in one of our deluxe hardbound anthologies.
You could be invited to read your poetry at our annual convention.
You can learn how to get your poetry published on internationally distributed greeting cards, calendars, and a host of other products.
Your poem may be put to music and heard on a professionally recorded album.

CLICK HERE TO ENTER TODAY!

Hey,

How's this seasonal and politically charged little ditty? Just go ahead and send me the check, no one can beat this entry.


Have Yourself a North Korean Christmas

All was unsettled mere days before Christmas.
The North Korean Santa had the U.S. on his shit list.
In the holiday spirit a father talks with his son.
"Dad, could you tell me what the hell's going on?"

"They're removing spy cameras and breaking nuke seals.
I wonder with whom they've been making their deals?"
As dad stroked his beard and loaded a rifle,
He said, "Don't worry son, with us they won't trifle."

The "Axis of Evil" all smug in their beds,
Have visions of missles smashed all through our heads.

"But dad, don't they fear our impending attack?"
"Son, we strike first, and they ain't striking back."
"But they say that its just for their nuclear power!"
The Doomsday Clock hands got pushed up a whole hour.

"There's something a brewin' in ol' Nyongbyon
and we can't take it easy 'til them Pinkos are gone."
"Daddy, I'm scared, will there still be a Christmas?
Bright lights, and presents, and egg noggin' yourself witless?"

"Hey, speaking of presents: Can I open one early?"
The father got stern, he got staunch, he got surly.
"I know you're impatient, but we have a tradition,
So, no son, you cannot -- under any condition.

"But dad!" the boy cried, "That's really not fair!"
And he jumped in the air and plopped down in his chair.
He looked up at his dad with the eyes of a kid,
"Why can't I open presents when North Korea did?!"

-Jonathan Land

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