Related Letters (You might want to start with the first one):
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Subject: Re: WILLING TO BUY
To: reuben osas <email@example.com>
From: Jonathan Land <firstname.lastname@example.org>
WELL MR JONATHAN,
I GREATLY APPOLOGISE IF I HAVE IN ANY WAY GOT ON YOUR NERVES,BY
MY STATEMENT TRYING TO KNOW IF YOU WILL SWINDLE ME,FORGIVE MY RUDE STATEMENT I
NEVER INTENTED TO HURT YOUR,I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE CAREFUL IF YOU WILL
UNDERSTAND.ABOUT THE GOODS I AM HIGHLY INTERESTED .IS THE PRICE TAG PLACED ON
EACH GOODS A CUMULATIVE PRICE OF THE GOODS,LIKE THE 6000 AMERICAN FLAGS IS IT
6000 FOR $2,000:00,YOU KNOW OUR ECONOMY IS BAD OVER HERE AND NOT EVERY BODY CAN
AFFORD THE PRICE I WILL PLACE PER EACH.
1 VIETNAMESE EAR NECKLACE
2 AMERICAN FLAGS
3RAINBOW CAMOUFLAG CUT OFF DENIM
4AMERICAN ARMY KNIVES
5 BEAN BAG PELLETS.
ALL THESE I AM WILLING TO BUY,ABOUT SHIPPING MY SHIPPING AGENT WILL HANDLE
THAT,SAMSON THAT IS HIS NAME IS UP TO THE TASK,YOU CAN CHECK HIM UP ON HIS MAIL
PLEASE SEND YOUR PHONE NUMBER WITH YOUR REPLY AS I WANT TO TALK
TO YOU ON PHONE.
Be-be-be-Benny and the Jets,
I accept your apology, and I'd like to say I'm sorry as well for being so acerbic. I'm now in an intermediate level anger management class. It's where you go if you beat the living tar out of the beginner level anger management instructor.
The values I gave you are indeed cumulative. I have heard much about your economy, and my heart goes out to you, because I'm a very compassionate man. So compassionate that I have 14 adopted children from third world nations that I give good jobs in my underground sweatshop. When they collapse and expire from exhaustion, the surviving members of my family will eat them with the appropriate marinades as specified by their specific culture, but that has yet to happen.
From the items you selected below, it looks like you would be going way over the budget you originally specified. Did you come into some of that 419 money recently or something, or are the numbers you list below for individual items and not bulk units? I hope not. I can tell you right now that one Vietnamese Ear Necklace will not be enough. They're authentic from the era too! They've shriveled and blackened a bit over time so you know they're the real deal. Think of it, one necklace is just a few schmoes who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. A case of 100 is an entire village, women and children inclusive!
My accounting department's phone number is 202-406-5850. We run a covert operation here, and we don't want The Man hassling us, so when you call just ask for any agent. If they don't pick up, just leave a message. We have a weird message on there right now. We say we're the Secret Service, but it's cool. It's really just my operation so just leave a message and someone will get back to you shortly. We do that so if the real US government calls us up, they'll get thrown off the scent because they're not the sharpest tools in the shed, but tools they are indeed.
So let's just clear up this sticking point and do the nasty. Speaking of sticking points, we sell awesome bayonets. If you ever come into more cash and our working relationship progresses. I'm also starting up a crystal meth lab if you're interested. The kids love that stuff, but I'm more of a downers man, myself.
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