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Subject: Re: WILLING TO BUY
To: reuben osas <reubenny01@hknetmail.com>
From: Jonathan Land <jland@incomplete.net>
Date: 08/20/2003

THANKS FOR THE APPOLOGY MR JONATHAN YOUR APPOLOGY HAS BEEN ACCEPTED AND A REASONABLE BUSINESSMAN I HAVE FORGOTTEN IT EVER HAPPEN,SO LET BYGONE BE BYGONE I WANT US TO DO BUSINESS AND FORGET ALL OTHER BULLSHIT

Holy shit, man.

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you but I've been in jail for most the last week.

Why you might ask? Was it the fact that I'm selling arms to anyone with cash and a score to settle? Perhaps I was discovered selling prescription drugs without a license to shut-ins, and non-prescription drugs to shut-outs? Maybe it was because I didn't dispose of the bodies of my sweatshop workers according to health code standards?

No. It was none of these things. Get this: I was wandering my town drunk and naked last night with a Saddam Hussein mask and beret on, shooting a few guns into the air yelling "Here I am boys. Come and get me!" To top it all off I wrote "Weapon Of Mass Satisfaction" on my stomach with an arrow pointing to my impressive johnson.

The cops didn't find it as funny as I did, and they tossed me in the clink for indecent exposure and being a public nuisance. So there I was in jail, with boxers on, still in my mask, trying to protecting my rectum with a plastic knife like I was a hockey goalie in a sudden death match. In case you're wondering, the only type of person that inmates want to anal gang bang more than a pedophile is a middle-eastern dictator.

Anyhoo, around came Thursday, and that blackout which you might have heard about hit. While my fellow prisoners were preparing for a little romance by candlelight, I happened to be in the metal shop crafting license plates. I picked up the one I was working on, and in the slash of three throats, I broke the hell out and was a free man.

Unfortunately, it's tough for me to make it back to my house or my warehouse since the cops are probably looking for me there, plus I'm sure all phone and email communications to my shipping department will be monitored, so I'm going to need to be discreet now that I can finally place your order.

Unfortunately I'm writing to you from a public library, so I can't retrieve my old mail. Can you please send me your order again> I remember that you wanted the Vietnamese ear necklaces and the gay camouflage, but I can't remember what else.

Hey, if you were in my situation, which would you think would be the way to go: smoke signals or carrier pigeon?

Thanks for bearing with me, Jon

P.S. I now have three genuine prison guard heads for sale. You interested? Since I like you and because of the delay in your order I'll give you the set of three for 100 bucks.

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