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Author's Note: Brilliant suggestions for this one were made by Kate Guttman.

At 12:36 PM +0000 2/20/01, perumal perumal wrote:
Dear Mr. Jonathan Land

Well received your e-mail tks noted. this my reply for your questions.

Question 1) your company professionalitic approch and adharence to latest technology, really attracted me. Also you are Quench to finout the real reasonce behind every event (happening) has made my options simple and easy.

Yes, we do pride ourselves in being ahead of the curve in everything from new technology to abstract stitching theory. There's no point in being professionalitic if you're keeping your behind in the times. Good eye, my boy!

Question 2) My professional qualifications in garment manufacturing technology and 4 long years of work experience incatering the neeeds of world renowmad brand's like Wal-Mart, Jc-Penney, Tommy Hilfiger,Total kidswear, Hudson Bay, etc., extensive connectings with leading spinning & knitting mills, leading quality manufacturing production units in India.

When you say "4 long years", I'm not sure what you mean. Are "long years" a different measurement on the Indian calendar? How many American years is one Indian long year? Are you guys on some sort of metric system there (10 days to a week, 10 weeks to a month, 10 months to a year)?

Question 3) As a loyal exployee have to be faithful to my employer, hence i will try my level best traceout the culprit. I will not revel my employer's instructions to anybody in the organisations or outside. It wil be kept as confidencial mater.

Question 4) " 1 " ( i don't want to be behind of anybody)

Well, then you should have said "10" because you will now be earning 1 dollar an hour. I'd like to point out that this is perfectly legal, and contractually binding, by the way.

Question 5) I would like to spend my timing for the young orphance who are denied the love and care of the parents.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS????!!!!! How the fuck did you fucking find the fuck out that I'm a fucking orphan? FUCK!!! People around here think my bloodline is rich with both aristocracy and nobility. Your intense research into the company has crossed the line now that it's delved into my personal life.

Well here's the rest of the story... the part that they didn't publish in the papers. It was one of your people that took my parents away. It was a dark and stormy night back when I was only 7 years old. They took me down to the "Little India" part of New York City around 27th and Lexington to score some coke from Niketu Kothadia, one of the notorious leaders of the Indian Mafia Boyz, an outfit so well organized that they even have a website. Can you dig it? Here they are flaunting the success of their various businesses, each one more illegal than its predecessor, each one fronting a market blacker than the next: http://members.tripod.com/digitalbiz/chill.html

Anyway, Kothadia got a fresh batch of stuff in so of course, mommy and daddy had to try it... what wasn't known was that it was cut with pure yellow curry. I dropped my beanie and my large spiral lollypop on the floor looking at something shiny. By the time I adjusted my back brace into the upright position, I saw mommy and daddy foaming at the nose and mouth, it was a dark, dark yellow, darker than the most scorching urine or most dark yellowist of beers. Then the rebel forces barged in and shot everyone... except me.

Needless to say I'm scarred for life. When they do a news story on that new curry-alternative to mustard gas, I cringe. When I see a movie with Tim Curry, I gasp (but really, who doesn't). When I curry favor, I have a flashback that makes LSD look as effective as a food stamp.

I have a restraining order from every Indian restaurant in a 100 mile radius.

Are you happy now???? ARE YOU HAPPY? I'm an orphan... wooo!!!

Watch your back. If I ever catch up with you, I'm going to go all Bruce Wayne on your ass!

We're not hiring at this point in time, Nosy Nelly,

Jonathan Land

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