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PKTEXTIL
505, ALFALAH COURT, I.I. CHUNDRIGAR ROAD,
KARACHI -74200 / PAKISTAN
PHONE 92-21-2630771 FAXÝ92-21-2631538
E.MAILSÝÝpktextil@aol.net.pkÝÝ&Ý exfab@cyber.net.pk
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

OCTOBERÝÝONE 2001

DEAR SIRS,

OFFERING SUBJECT SELLERS FINAL CONFIRMATION

GREY POLY/COTTON 52 /.48 % YARN
NE 30/1 CARDED HOSIERY WAXED FOR KNITTING AT USD 1.80/KG
NE 30/1 COMBED HOSIERY WAXED FOR KNITTING AT USD 2.00/KG

BOTH CNF LEXIOUS / LISBON L/C 90 DAYS FROM B/L DATE.

PLEASE INFORM US QUANTITY AND SHIPMENT OCTOBER AND ONWARDS REQUIRED.

OFFRING GREY POLY/COTTON 52/48 SULZAR FABRICS

NE 30/30 76X68ÝÝ67" AT USCENTS 51/MTR
NE 30/30 76X68 83" AT USCENTS 69/MTR
NE 30/30 76X68Ý98" AT USCENTS 71/MTR
NE 30/30 76X68 114 AT USCENTSÝ80/MTR
NE 30/30 76X56 98" AT USCENTS 66/MTR
NE 30/30 76X56 114" AT USCENTS 72/MTR

GREY POLY/COTTON 65/35 SULZER 2/1TWILL
NE 20/20 94x60 67" AT USCENT 75/MTR
DELIVERY = 2x20FCL PROMPT

ALL ABOVE PRICES ARE CNF MAIN EEC PORT L/C 90 DAYS FROM B/L DATE SUBJECT SELLERS FINAL CONFIRMATION.

PLEASE NOTE ALL ABOVE PRICES ARE ALSO FOR CONDTINETAL PORTS

PLEASE INFORM US QUANTITY AND SHIPMENT REQUIRED FOR OCTOBER AND ONWARDS WITH YOUR TARGET PRICES. ENABLE NEGOTIATE WITH THE MILLS AND FINLIZE BUSINESS WITH YOUR GOODSELVES.

YOUR PROMPT REPLY IS REQUESTED TOGETHER WITH YOUR COMPLETE ADDRESS AND THE NAME OF THE GENTLEMAN / LADY DEALING IN - IN IMPORTS.

WITH BEST RGDS / M. KHALID

Dear Mr. Khalid,

You are a man of few words, many technical details, and bottom-bunker-basement prices. I'm accepting your reply as a bold step forward in our relationship. I originally replied to you in the hopes that you would manufacture my company's "Penitentiary Pants", but that was a long time ago, and much has changed in the landscape of international crime since then. Unless you've been living in a cave (and as a Pakistani, depending on where your allegiances lie, you very well might be), you'll know what I'm talking about.

Not that you've given me the impression that you understand a word I write, but I'll give you a reasonable explanation about why I'll be asking you to manufacture different products than I originally requested. Sex offenders, the people who the pants were originally designed for, are no longer an issue here in the United States. Even they're too freaked out by recent events to get it up. A few acts of terrorism gave them the castration that they all deserve, making my company's government contract get cancelled.

Before we allowed ourselves to become a financial casualty, my staff of brilliant designers and accountants worked together to come up with two embarrassingly profitable concepts that can help my company take advantage of the government's current generosity for military ventures as well possibly helping it make the world a better place.

First of all, the new company is called Offensive Apparel, so please update your records. Our slogan is "When starting an assault, we've got your ass covered.... in our sleek pants!" Second of all, confidentiality for the following designs is key, but considering how tight-lipped you are, I know that confidentiality probably goes without saying, both by definition and our special understanding.

Product #1: "TaliBadAss Turbans". The concept behind this is that we can outsmart the enemy by duping them into wearing these novelty turbans with a small GPS transmitter/receiver and an LCD readout. It allows the wearer to be both defiant in the face the big bad airstrikes and an easy target for them with their GPS location proudly displayed on their heads. These can be picked up on satellite photos, which are updated every minute along with any given turban's coordinates.

Product #2: We need a backup in case the terrorists and their sympathizers don't take to the turbans. The U.S. Armed Forces are preparing to use the Taliban's greatest resource against them. The resource? The one they've never even considered: Women. We need approximately 50,000 uniforms of traditional Taliban woman's garb... but it needs to be reversible. A standard color on one side, and camouflage on the other. These will be for the women of the Armed Forces to sneak around and kick as much ass as necessary to infiltrate the appropriate social circles (whatever the equivalent of Tupperware parties are over there) to discuss the benefits of going to school, work, and even outside! Once it seems that the women have been re-brainwashed by our women, we'll create a series of "Girls' Night Out"s at some makeshift TGI Fridays and Houlihans where they can yenta it up so we can gather information about who's behind the terrorism, and then we'll assist the women to fight for their freedom... gaining world peace in the process. It's like the U.S. will have millions of Charlie's Angels at their disposal. And like most horrible men, they will never see these women coming. This is all Donald Rumsfeld's idea... I wish it were mine though. I love it when a plan comes together. The government was going to call it Operation Desert Foxy, but that was deemed too sexist by some chick who obviously wasn't getting any, so they've changed it to the more empowering Operation Veiled Threat.

So are you up for the new order in both of it's entendres? I hope I can count on you... tell me right now if you can't. Given your proximity to "Ground Zero 2", and your government's unwavering assistance in the U.S. fight for a world of fluffy bunnies, I think you're the right company to produce what we need. This is urgent seeing as we have all the troops over there already, so please respond asap!

Jonathan Land
Managing Importer
Offensive Apparel

Related Letters: 1 2 3