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Author's Note: This was written by Jeff Hobbs.

Scott,

I'm currently employed as Mr. Land's executive assistant in the Conshohocken PA branch, and last week Mr. Land and I were talking over our weekly business dinner at the Conshohocken Howard Johnson lounge. Now, the one thing you need to know about Mr. Land is that the only thing he loves more than his gin and tonics -- quite heavy on the gin and pretty much no tonic, if he ever asks you to make him one -- is his fried clam strips.

At this meeting, Mr. Land had eaten so many clam strips (Wednesday is all-you-can-eat clam strip night, and you better believe we both take full advantage of that) that he got a horribly upset stomach and hurriedly left for the bathroom. While he was away, I was poking though his palm pilot looking for the solitaire function and accidentally came across your name and email address in the note pad screen under the subsection "possible replacements for H." Now, I can only assume the "H." in question was me, as there is no other employees that currently have the last name beginning with "H" in the Conshohocken PA branch.

Needless to say, I'm worried. Did Mr. Land approach you, or did you approach Mr. Land? I really need this job -- I've got three kids and a mortgage -- and if there's a problem with my job performance and/or Mr. Land has become unhappy with the caliber of my work, I was certainly not aware of it. Let's discuss this -- mail me back as soon as possible. My cell phone has been damaged in a grease fire, otherwise I'd give you that number. Certainly don't mention to Mr. Land that I contacted you. As long as you aren't after my job, I'll be glad to be your man on the inside, and if you help me out I can make sure if and when you are hired, you can skip over the mandatory trial period of employment in Thailand.

~Jeff Hobbs
Executive Assistant to Mr. Land
artificial.com
"Hey, That's Our Turf!"

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